Perfection: an accurate description of something impossible to achieve. Whether it’s for grades, style, skin, skill, or decoration, we strive for perfection and that’s just human nature because it’s what we’ve been taught to do. The issue is that it’s virtually impossible to achieve and that upsets us. We’re really good at making it “seem” like we have our lives together, but everyone’s got their stuff. When you learn to strive for your goals and not perfection, it’s like a new world to live in. Today, I strive to get things done. I’m not going to worry about my terribly cracked bedroom mirror, sheets that don’t match, messy and crimped hair, or the dents in my wall from living life as a clumsy person (sorry mom!).
I have two updates that I’m really excited to talk about with you guys…
Update #1: Your girl is getting baptized on April 23rd! It’s a really big step for me and I’m extremely happy about it but also a little nervous at the same time but I’m sure everything will go fine. Instead of giving my speech up in the baptismal font, they had us all make videos and I think I’ll like that more than having to cry up there even more, but while I was making the video I was not loving the amount of awkward I poured into it.
Update #2: I have been working on creating this “new” blog (new to you, definitely not me) for quite some time. I’m getting older and time is moving by so quickly and it’s time to start preparing for my future. I’m almost positive about many of the details that God has in store for the rest of my life including colleges, classes, and jobs (that is, unless God decides to take all of that and mix it all up). I started this blog as something to do in my spare time but never thought I would actually try to make something out of it, but here I am! Now, onto the more exciting part of what all of this actually entails…
- A new blog. It will be a mixture of lifestyle, beauty, food, fashion, and even more types of blogging. There are a few types that I will focus more on than others but that all depends on what kind of content people are looking for. I want to take the things I learn along the way that are useful for me and share them with you! Along with the kind of blogging anyone would be looking for, of course this blog will spill over into that. I want Jesus to find His way into everything I can fit Him into- which is everything.
- A photography outlet. As a profession, photography is the dream job that I’d like to spend my whole life doing. I’ll take you along the way with me so you can be there to watch me grow into the person I aspire to be. I have to start somewhere small so why not here?
- A ministry. Like I said, I want Jesus to pour through the cracks in my work that I can’t fill otherwise and hold it all together!
- Writing. I don’t want to be giving out too many details about this, but I have some great things in the works with writing. I love all types of writing, as you probably already know, so I’m working on different styles and trying new things out so I can make content for any and every eye to view.
- Social media. This is another area that I don’t want to release too much information out in either. Since I’m just starting out, my social media platforms will be starting out small as well. I plan to create more platforms as I go on different social medias like YouTube, Instagram, etc etc.
Lately I’ve taken a look at the different things I notice about myself, whether it’s the hobbies I have, the people I’m friends with, or the clothes that I wear. I tend to put myself down about some of those things because I try to live up to the worldly standards I see all around me. All my life I’ve been surrounded by dancers and actors and artists and singers and everyone else under the sun who have found their place when they were young and have stuck with that ever since. My main issue I found in myself from the start was that I never had any of those. I wasn’t the athlete or the musician and I certainly never focused on academics as my specialty, so I asked myself the same question year after year. What am I? If I’m not this or that, then what am I? Just by looking at simple things in my life, I can see little bits of diverse hobbies and styles that I take part in but never fully embrace. It’s taken me 16 years to realize this:
I’m a little bit of brainy and a little bit of how tired do you have to be to come up with that?, and I’m a little bit of 80’s style mixed with current trends, and I’m a little bit of “I need my time alone in the quiet” and a little bit of will she ever shut up?, and I’m a little bit of dressing nice and a little bit of repping sweatpants, and I’m a little bit of warm socks and a little bit of sunny days, and I’m a little bit of everything that I think I’d like to be, but that little bit of everything makes up the little me.
2016, it has been… a year.
Going all the way back to the end of 2015, I met some people that changed my life in a major way. Over the course of 2016, I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know them and many other great people. I’m going to share this year with you month by month:
January was good. I went on a retreat and turned a year older.
February was normal, kind of boring honestly.
March was also boring, until the 24th. That day rocked my world and turned it completely upside-down. Due to a personal event that took place that day, it basically made March 24th to mid-June feel like a living hell in my mind. On the bright side, though, at least school was over with.
In July I went on a missions trip which became the best week of my life thus far. I fell into a Spiritual High and learned so much from it while making some of my best friends.
August I spent with the same people and if I hadn’t already fallen in love with this group of people yet, I definitely did in August.
September to November I had a boyfriend. If you know me and you just didn’t know that- yeah I can’t believe it either.
November was a struggle though. The relationship broke off and I started to make things happen in some of my friendships that I’m not happy about and I was wrong. I fell into another low point, ugh.
Finally, we’re in December. These months flew by like crazy and I’m not sure how I got here so quickly. It was a pretty normal month, nothing specific happened. Now, here’s what I learned:
Number one, I learned that we don’t always have to be okay. There’s going to be struggles in life that we just can’t get around and I need to accept that. I’ve tried to hide things and make it seem like I’m doing perfectly fine, but that’s not the truth and God is here whether things are okay or not.
Number two, I learned that imperfection is perfection. I didn’t like to leave my house without makeup because for some reason I thought people would look at my and think something different than they did before. It doesn’t really seem like a big deal in other people’s minds, but it consumed a lot of my mind. It took many failed attempts but I finally decided to go to school with no makeup on, and to my surprise, some approached me to say that I looked especially good that day. This isn’t something to say for bragging rights, but for the purpose behind it. That person didn’t know what I’d been thinking about and God stepped into my life to prove me wrong. I didn’t think it would help me feeling that way at all to be completely honest, but it was like a switch in my mind completely turned the opposite way. I still care about what I look like and I want to take care of myself the best I can, but I no longer feel the need to cover up the things I don’t like about myself.
Number three, God really does come into my life in the weirdest and smallest freaking ways possible. There were so many random people that showed up in my life that had no relevance before; some of the people were people that I didn’t even know or had never seen before. It helped me be able to see the small ways He’s working in my life for the benefit of His greater plans.
As far as an update goes for health, I’m in the same place I was last year at this time- possibly a bit worse. Obviously it is really easy to say you’ll be strong when you’re not necessarily going through the pain when you say it, but I’, beginning to learn how to cope with it. I know that God is going to use this in my life someday and somehow (although sometime soon would be nice), and I am willing to wait until that day comes. We always want what we can’t have and my goal for this upcoming year is to learn to want what I have because I’m blessed in many ways I never acknowledge.
This is 3 years going on this site now and it makes me both sad and happy to look back at how much I have changed.
Until next year. ♡
IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME MY DUDES !!
This is the best time of the year, hands down. I was excited to go into the basement to get my mini Christmas tree out for my bedroom but I realized we threw them out (much sad such disappointment). Later on in the day, I went to a Christmas party and I got a grow your own Christmas tree kit which I went home and planted- obviously. The point in telling my story was that I’ll never know if it just so happened to be a coincidence or not that I got a kit for growing my own tree the same day I realized my mini tree was gone, but I’d like to think that God did that to make me laugh. He’s got a sense of humor and that makes me real happy. 😊
A few years ago I read The Hiding Place and in all honesty I really didn’t enjoy the book at the time. It was too wordy and detailed for me, and just a little too depressing. But, as per usual, this thanksgiving we went around in a circle and said what we’re thankful for from this past year we had. This past year was by far the hardest year of my life. I was hit with family issues, friend issues, and health issues so basically no matter where I went- I was followed by these struggles. While trying to think of what I was thankful for, this book came back to my mind, and this is why:
In the book, one of the main characters says she’s thankful for the diseased fleas that are biting and killing her and her loved ones as she speaks. Directly after, one of the other main characters describes how confused she is because she has no clue how or why she would be thankful for the very thing that was killing them. Later on, she found out that the fleas were keeping the guards from coming in and killing and torturing them. They managed to escape and help tons and tons of people. The thing that was killing them ended up being a blessing.
Moral of the story: I’m thankful for the burdens God put in my life this year, because without them, I wouldn’t be close to half the people I am today, and I wouldn’t be as strong as I am.
Half of break is over and I’m really not even sure how that’s possible. We spend thanksgiving in New York with relatives and we just arrived about 2 or 3 hours ago. They live back in the woods where there isn’t much wifi but there’s so much to see, especially now that everything is covered in snow. I’m not sure why it popped into my head, but the thought of an old youth group lesson I was taught came into my head when my social medias weren’t loading. Disconnect to reconnect. Unplug your phone and appreciate the time you have to spend with others, there’s plenty of free time to be on my phone later.
As I lay here ready to fall asleep (which is crazy for me to go to bed this early like what? I have things to do right now) I’m looking back at the past few months and the upcoming weeks I have. This September, October, and half of November flew by so fast. Even just 2016 in general has seemed to quickly slip away from me. Especially in the last few months, I’ve been busy up to my neck in school work and life and it seems as though I can never quite seem to find the right balance. As soon as I finish one project ahead of time (which usually doesn’t happen: the procrastination life is the life for me) about 4 more come in for me to do next on top of everything else life has to offer. I’ve been so blessed with the fun I’ve had this year, despite how rough it may have been to get through. I’m thankful to have gotten through this week with multiple tests and quizzes every single day on top of all the other work teachers pile on before break. I’m extremely excited that break is FINALLY here even though I only have one free day. Busy is overwhelming but I’m overwhelmed with happiness. God is so good to give us the busyness to keep our minds occupied, although it seems as though I sometimes feel too occupied for Him. I’m glad I had the opportunity to spend tonight catching up with my girls and talking about Jesus. Most of all right now, I’m thankful for this bed.
Stressed but blessed is my current feeling.
I’m pretty sure anyone can agree that on a daily basis we see people and compliment them on how they look because we genuinely think they look good, but they just can’t see it themselves. It’s such a simple concept to just like the way you look whether it’s on a daily basis or just especially that day, yet we have so much trouble saying it let alone believing it. How come our brains can wrap our brains around the concepts of gravity and quantum physics but God forbid someone tells us we look good in a shirt and we look at them questioning their entire existence for liking it? We make no sense and I don’t think anyone will ever be able to explain the human brain. Life would be so much easier if everyone could see themselves the way others see them, wouldn’t it?
This past weekend I had the chance to go on a retreat and, for starters, get really close with some great people. The purpose of this post is the message I liked the most, though. It was “when God is silent”. The whole topic made me start thinking about how I actually react when God is silent. I’m not quick to seek Him out and find Him in situations. I’m quick to do quite the opposite by finding everything I feel that I can’t see Him in (which is 100% wrong to begin with but that’s another story). When God is silent, so am I. I don’t seek to talk to Him or even think about Him, I seek quick fixes and wallow in my sadness. I want to challenge myself to be as loud as God can be (not possible but that’s why it’s the goal😉) when He is being silent in my life. I’m not asking for answers, I’m asking to see Him in the situation.