The previous post of mine didn’t explain how I am doing on the inside now, so I’ve decided to make that today’s topic. Have they possibly found an answer that will take away my pain- yes. Does that mean all the insecurity and distrust will be gone- not a chance. I am not even in the range of where I want to be in my faith. There’s going to be ups and downs and I’ve accepted that. I still don’t have a very strong faith and it has definitely been shaken by this experience. I have to remember that no, I’m not where I want to be. But, I’m farther than I was and that’s what I’m focusing on. Life is not always going to be easy and it sure won’t always make sense, but I think I’m finally beginning to really believe that. It’s one of those things you grow up with being pounded into your head so hard that you know the answer and never think about the real meaning. I grew up in a Christian school and home and I wouldn’t change that for the world, but there are some downsides to it. It’s hard to live life and struggle with your faith while you see others succeeding around you and people are screaming in your ear what they want you to hear and believe instantly. News flash: knowing and believing are very different things. I’ve known all my life the answers to the “God Questions” but I’ve never believed it. I’ve had many experiences where I think “oh, this is the night I’ll really start to believe” because I feel a little different, and by the end of the next day, it’s gone. I’ve only come a short way and I still have a long way to go, but this is my first step. I admit I need to work on my faith and that it’s not going to be easy. I admit that I can play the Christian girl role and answer like I believe it. This is my public display of understanding that I know I’m dead wrong and need to pray more. But, while I’m struggling, I know that I can get out of it like others have. I want to go by Romans 8:24 from now on, and make that verse my goal for life.