thanksgiving

A few years ago I read The Hiding Place and in all honesty I really didn’t enjoy the book at the time. It was too wordy and detailed for me, and just a little too depressing. But, as per usual, this thanksgiving we went around in a circle and said what we’re thankful for from this past year we had. This past year was by far the hardest year of my life. I was hit with family issues, friend issues, and health issues so basically no matter where I went- I was followed by these struggles. While trying to think of what I was thankful for, this book came back to my mind, and this is why:

In the book, one of the main characters says she’s thankful for the diseased fleas that are biting and killing her and her loved ones as she speaks. Directly after, one of the other main characters describes how confused she is because she has no clue how or why she would be thankful for the very thing that was killing them. Later on, she found out that the fleas were keeping the guards from coming in and killing and torturing them. They managed to escape and help tons and tons of people. The thing that was killing them ended up being a blessing.

Moral of the story: I’m thankful for the burdens God put in my life this year, because without them, I wouldn’t be close to half the people I am today, and I wouldn’t be as strong as I am.

stressed but blessed

As I lay here ready to fall asleep (which is crazy for me to go to bed this early like what? I have things to do right now) I’m looking back at the past few months and the upcoming weeks I have. This September, October, and half of November flew by so fast. Even just 2016 in general has seemed to quickly slip away from me. Especially in the last few months, I’ve been busy up to my neck in school work and life and it seems as though I can never quite seem to find the right balance. As soon as I finish one project ahead of time (which usually doesn’t happen: the procrastination life is the life for me) about 4 more come in for me to do next on top of everything else life has to offer. I’ve been so blessed with the fun I’ve had this year, despite how rough it may have been to get through. I’m thankful to have gotten through this week with multiple tests and quizzes every single day on top of all the other work teachers pile on before break. I’m extremely excited that break is FINALLY here even though I only have one free day. Busy is overwhelming but I’m overwhelmed with happiness. God is so good to give us the busyness to keep our minds occupied, although it seems as though I sometimes feel too occupied for Him. I’m glad I had the opportunity to spend tonight catching up with my girls and talking about Jesus. Most of all right now, I’m thankful for this bed.
Stressed but blessed is my current feeling.

When God Is Silent

This past weekend I had the chance to go on a retreat and, for starters, get really close with some great people. The purpose of this post is the message I liked the most, though. It was “when God is silent”. The whole topic made me start thinking about how I actually react when God is silent. I’m not quick to seek Him out and find Him in situations. I’m quick to do quite the opposite by finding everything I feel that I can’t see Him in (which is 100% wrong to begin with but that’s another story). When God is silent, so am I. I don’t seek to talk to Him or even think about Him, I seek quick fixes and wallow in my sadness. I want to challenge myself to be as loud as God can be (not possible but that’s why it’s the goal😉) when He is being silent in my life. I’m not asking for answers, I’m asking to see Him in the situation.

Scars.

A few months ago, I was talking to a friend about something I was struggling with in my faith while we were sitting by a lake. The point of being there was to actually go in, so everyone had bathing suits on. I sat and talked to her and I noticed that, as she was telling me her experiences in life, the tops of her legs were covered in scars. They were remnants left behind of battle wounds. They didn’t remind me of normal scars, though. She wore them in a way that showed she wasn’t proud to have them, but she was proud that they’re no longer battle wounds, and now they are scars. Scars meaning she put that behind her and said “No, I’m stronger than this”. The immediate thought that popped up into my mind that I had never thought of before was that scars are white for a reason. There may be doubts in my mind that God is there for me, but that day showed me that God made her scars beautiful and pure white where the crimson blood stains that had once been there were now gone; and he can do that to the scars on my heart too.

Another Quote

So I was on Pinterest (yet again) today and I saw a quote that made me think. It says “only grow thoughts in your brain that you wouldn’t mind putting in a vase”. I like the quote to begin with, because I love plants. But thinking about it brought me back to sitting in my 7th grade Bible class and being told to do things as if God were sitting next to me. If He was there, we wouldn’t be doing half the things we do or saying half the things we say. I like this because it’s true. God is always next to us, even though we can’t see Him.

Sometimes, You Have To.

Sometimes, you have to. Sometimes, you have to eat when you’re sick because you know it’ll make you feel worse if you don’t. Sometimes, you have to work even when you feel you’re too tired. Sometimes, you need to end a friendship because it’s more toxic than uplifting. Sometimes, you have to apologize even when you don’t want to.

Sometimes, you have to have faith that things will work out the way God planned, even when it seems impossible.

Sometime…

You have to.

By Your Side

We all have to know by now that Maggie is a Tenth Avenue North fangirl. Seeing them in concert a few months back was such an amazing experience and I can’t even describe how great they are. There’s no need for studio editing their voices (that’s the statement I’m going with because I cannot seem to word very well tonight), because they’re naturally extremely gifted. So anyways enough rambling and onto the actual meaning of this post…

“Why are you striving these days, why are you still trying to earn grace, why are you crying, let me lift up your face, just don’t turn away”. Okay, woah. I’m never sure where to even begin with how I’d explain that because it could mean a million new, different things every time you read it. We’re striving to be the best when, let’s be honest, why does that actually matter? If we are who we are and that’s what we stick with then how can there be a best? Best. Adjective. A word I’d call pointless if it weren’t in our bovine dictionaries. He wants us to give our lives for Him, yet we turn our faces away from the very thing we need.

“Why are you looking for love, why are you still searching, as if I’m not enough, to where will you go child, tell me where will you run, to where will you run”. We look in this world for things that we think can sustain ourselves and we try to thrive off of other people; whether it means we use their attention or we build our thrones out of the people we stepped on to get there. If God isn’t enough what is? We run to the easiest thing that seems to help us like drugs or hurting ourselves, but if you honestly think about it, what good has ever come from them? There’s no Earthly thing we can run to that will sustain us like God, and he’s the easiest thing to hold onto.

“Cause I’ll be by your side whenever you fall, in the dead of night whenever you call, and please don’t fight these hands that are holding you, my hands are holding you”. He will never leave us nor will He turn us away if we’re broken. He wants us because we’re broken so He can show us how He can break our shackles.

Sorry for the long post, I was feeling a little bit of a longer one tonight and I needed to reassure two people who means so much to me that I’m not giving up on God or them.

And for the little lady out there (and you know who you are) that I talked to about hurting yourself tonight, this post was created for you ma petite amour.

Retreat

This past weekend I went on a retreat. I was quite nervous, whether people could notice or not, about having a reaction from my medical issues. I was surprised to find myself feeling sick but not even caring half of the time. I’m big on comfort, so I’m used to stopping something if it means I feel better in any ways at all. Usually if I’m having horrible stomach pain, I stop singing during worship; But, like I said, this time I didn’t seem to care. I had an amazing time hanging with a great group of friends that I love to death. Lately in my life, I haven’t been able to say this very much, but God was definitely there. I have a long way to go but it’s worth, isn’t it?

Doubts

In your walk with Jesus, you will have doubts. That comes with believing in Him. You could choose to sit around all day thinking about how bad you are and how other people are better Christians, or you look at it like it’s an opportunity. An opportunity to grow closer to God. An opportunity to read your Bible and pray more. An opportunity to create an experience with God. The question isn’t how are you going to deal with it. The question is: what are you going to do about it?