What Am I?

Lately I’ve taken a look at the different things I notice about myself, whether it’s the hobbies I have, the people I’m friends with, or the clothes that I wear. I tend to put myself down about some of those things because I try to live up to the worldly standards I see all around me. All my life I’ve been surrounded by dancers and actors and artists and singers and everyone else under the sun who have found their place when they were young and have stuck with that ever since. My main issue I found in myself from the start was that I never had any of those. I wasn’t the athlete or the musician and I certainly never focused on academics as my specialty, so I asked myself the same question year after year. What am I? If I’m not this or that, then what am I? Just by looking at simple things in my life, I can see little bits of diverse hobbies and styles that I take part in but never fully embrace. It’s taken me 16 years to realize this:

I’m a little bit of brainy and a little bit of how tired do you have to be to come up with that?, and I’m a little bit of 80’s style mixed with current trends, and I’m a little bit of “I need my time alone in the quiet” and a little bit of will she ever shut up?, and I’m a little bit of dressing nice and a little bit of repping sweatpants, and I’m a little bit of warm socks and a little bit of sunny days, and I’m a little bit of everything that I think I’d like to be, but that little bit of everything makes up the little me.

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You Did Your Best

I found a quote some time ago and just now it really made me start to think about why I kept it in my phone. The quote is between two people talking, and it states:

“What’s the most important thing you’ve done this year?”, and the second person replied with the words, “I survived”.

You did your best. If your best is going one day without eating that chocolate you know you shouldn’t be, spending an hour without biting your nails, or being able to say you haven’t cut yourself since Monday, then you should be proud. If your best is being drug-free for a whole year, exercising for an hour everyday, or following your eating limitations every single day, then you should be proud. Whether your best is or isn’t someone else’s best means nothing. Our standards should never be based on another person because no two people are the same. There’s no issue with the situation if you know you’re doing your best, but if you can, always strive to. Don’t overdo yourself, but show your issues who’s the boss and you’ll see just how strong you really are.

ps. I still reaaaaalllyyyy love you.